Friday, May 23, 2008


I feel somewhat sheepish having this epiphany today...but that's okay. As I've struggle through this whole mess of hope and wanting it...I have been asking myself if "hope" is actually what I'm struggling with. If I am focusing on the wrong thing, like maybe I should be content in my circumstances no matter what they look like and let God take it from there...I realized today though I have just had a distorted definition of what hope is for this situation. I have been imagining hope to be having a good attitude about the seizure free days and hoping that he will get there. So, if I could shift my thinking a little...I will always desire to have seizure freedom, but right now I know it's very questionable as to whether that will happen anytime soon, just from the knowledge we have on this syndrome. My "hope" needs to just be resting that God is in control of everyday. I don't have to have this positive outlook that maybe tomorrow he will go into spontaneous remission or that the meds will start working. And, those are absolute possibilities. But, I need to just continue to lay this at His feet and say - You are in control of everyday no matter what it looks like - and that's all I need right now.

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