Happy February ladies!
I’m looking forward to hanging out with you all on the 12th
and having an interesting, and hopefully not awkward, conversation about
intimacy in marriage! I have only been
married for 12 short years so I wouldn’t consider myself an authority on the
subject of marriage – but I am well practiced in effort…does that count for
something? I do feel incredibly blessed
to have a healthy marriage and a husband that adores me even when I am
awful. (which happens more often than I
would like to admit) Here’s some of the
inspiration that has been handed down to me or things that we’ve tried in our
relationship to keep the intensity there!
5 ways we keep the fire going!
1.
FLIRT. Do
you remember how to flirt with your husband?
Almost all of us can think back to early in our relationship when we
were getting to know our spouses and what kind of flirting happened to create
chemistry. Sometimes when things are
feeling blah between us, I think back over the last couple of weeks and realize
that we have been so busy we have not taken the time to practice the simple act
of flirting. Forgot what that looks
like? (Have mercy on me ladies, I’m
putting myself out here because I love you all) A few examples that can get
some flirting started:
-verbal teasing
and keep it nice, not snarky
-a little grabbing of the rear end followed by a certain “look”
- pin him on the
couch and kiss him like you mean it and get up and walk away
- be intentional with your body, there are many ways to walk or brush by
your man and let him know
you’re thinking about him.
2.
SPEND TIME TOGETHER. This one is obvious, right? Even so, I am surprised every time I hear a
friend say they don’t date their spouse.
I know a lot of us have busy schedules or tight budgets, but we can
always find ways to spend intentional time together. When we were first married, we played A LOT
of board and card games together. Over
the years, some of the things we’ve done after the kids have gone to bed:
games, hobbies (we’ve sat at the dining
room table and I’ve sewed while he’s made duct tape wallets), tackle a big
project without the kids at your feet – you might actually have fun and sneak
some flirting in there. Michelle is the
queen of stay at home date nights; hit her up for some creative ideas. Hayden and I were in the habit of sitting on
the couch next to one another watching a show and it was fine for a while but
after a week or so we realized we don’t connect at all when we do that. We are trying to be better about spending
some time face to face or across the table doing something together.
3.
SPEND TIME APART. This stay at home, homeschooling mom often
needs an hour, 2, or 48 away from my family to refuel and recharge in a way
that makes me a better wife, mom and friend.
I will be honest – it is hard to get more than a few hours away at this
stage of life, even with a supportive husband on board. I am the one in our relationship that needs
alone time to recharge. When I do get
away I make sure and show my appreciation to my hubby when I get home verbally,
physically and emotionally. I also often
bring him a gift so he knows I was thinking about him. There have also been times when I have sent my husband out for some time of
his own. Whether it is a movie with a
friend or some cash to go blow at the store, he does not always think he needs
it but when he gets back he’s always thankful he took it!
4.
COMMIT YOURSELF TO BEING INTIMATE. Intimacy includes many areas, but I am
referring specifically to sex. Ladies,
our culture does not do us any favors in this area. TV, movies and media all fuel our excuses and
our entitlement to make this area about ourselves instead of about our
relationship. The truth is, maintaining
a healthy sex life takes sacrifice from both the wife and husband. We get to choose how we approach this
topic. I made a decision when our oldest
was little (almost 11 years ago) to fight to keep this part of our marriage
alive and exciting. I committed to not
letting a certain number of days go by without participating or
initiating. Obviously, there are always
exceptions to this, and everyone’s number could be different. I will not lie. It has been hard. It has been a sacrifice on my end many many
times. However, it is a sacrifice that
I’ve never once regretted making. Not
once. I have not done it perfectly, I have
failed many times, but I think just having the commitment has helped me
maintain over the years. Part of this
commitment is not just physical; it is committing to communicate openly about
it. I will be the first to admit that we
have had some awkward conversations on this topic, but we have also had several
funny ones too. If you are not enjoying
this element of intimacy I would strongly encourage you to do some reading on
the topic. I also realize that some
people have issues in their married sex life that will not be fixed as simply
as this – in no way do I mean to minimize that.
I’ve had my share fair of friends that have legitimate issues that this
advice would do nothing to help. My
intent is to spark some ideas not to bring guilt or frustration!!
5.
REMINISCE
ABOUT YOUR EARLY RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER – We used to do this a lot. There is something gratifying about walking
down memory lane. Unless of course
memory lane is full of sad memories, than this might not be a great exercise
for you. We just cleaned a closet out
together the other night and went through a huge pile of pictures. It was fun to see pictures of us together in
our early 20’s and even a few as teenagers.
His memory is so much better than mine is, so it is fun to hear things
from his perspective. Sometimes our stories
on things are completely different too.
That always makes me laugh that we could process the same situation so
differently. If you’re having a hard
time with your spouse right now, it might be good to think back to what
attracted you to him in the first place!
We laugh at ourselves, seeing how much we have grown over the years and
how awful our clothes and hair used to be is pretty entertaining!
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