the Stroms

Last weekend we had the fun privilege of witnessing two of our former students from Shoreline get hitched! 

We never would've called it.  They surprised just about everyone.  But, they're young.  They're in love.  It was a sweet sight to witness.  

We pray for God's blessings on their new life together!

Elisabeth was the boy's primary babysitter for our 3 years in Shoreline!  They were so excited to watch her get married!

letting go

There was a lot of speculation as to whether or not baby #6 would be a girl and whether or not I wanted him/her to be a girl. A LOT. Obviously when you have so many boys already there is part of you that has just resigned yourself to accepting your life as the only female in your household. I pretty much did that around boy #3. At that point, we didn't know how many children we were having. We have always said we would take it one at a time and go from there. I'm sometimes surprised we didn't stop with #3 considering the challenges he brought and how COMPLETELY different he was from his very chill older brothers. But, with those challenges came a uniqueness that I cannot imagine our lives without.

So, for the many of you that have asked, and some that haven't. YES, I was bummed it wasn't a girl. When the sonographer said it was in fact another a boy I was stunned, and for about 10 minutes, I held the tears in. Then I thought of Everett, my sweet little nurturer and how sad he would be when he finds out it's another brother. I felt sad for him. I felt sad for all of the boys that they would miss the opportunity of having a sister. I just kept saying "really?" "Is it really?" Is that really possible?" For the first half of this pregnancy I've been saying with my mouth "it's going to be a boy, of course it is" while in my heart hoping and longing for a girl. I want to buy girl clothes. I want to do something remotely feminine with SOMEONE'S room and while that is all good and fun, those aren't exactly soulful reasons to want a girl. I am always thankful when we find out that the baby is healthy and there aren't any complications - I certainly don't want to minimize the tremendous blessing of a healthy baby! God has been working on my heart though and I am always amazed at His timing. I had the opportunity to see an old friend last week and I was humbly reminded of the simple fact that I am fertile and there are so many people that aren't. I have had 6 healthy pregnancies and that is an amazing and beautiful thing. There will always be a part of me that wonders what a little girl from us would've looked like, sounded like, all of those traits that encompass that. But, at this point, I'm excited for what IS and thankful for my sweet little (or not so little, depending on your perspective) family!

*****And for those of you that might be skeptical like me, it wasn't the umbilical cord. As you can see in the pics it is VERY clearly defined. So, I am so thankful for ultrasounds and for the opportunity to prepare myself for the arrival of another boy! There is something fun and unique about having all of one gender. I look forward to meeting this new little one!

149 pounds

we managed to round up 149lbs. of pumpkins at the pumpkin patch last weekend.  149 lbs!  i'm pretty sure that's what i weighed in high school. (proudly...longingly)  wow.  i have to admit, that i thought we were getting ripped off at first, but looking at this picture now, i suppose that all of those pumpkins are pretty heavy.  it definitely weighed our car down as we drove away! 

we had so much fun scrounging the field for just the right pumpkin.  everyone had something they were looking for.  i thought the gourds were the most fun.  they can be so crazy looking sometimes.  i managed to sneak out of there with 3 of my own pumpkins!  or was it 4?  who's counting anyway...i just had a hard time narrowing it down.  but now i have a pretty fall display of pumpkins on my front porch that complement all my beautiful fall trees and falling leaves!

this is our friend Robert, he came along to give us an extra set of hands!  wow, it was so nice to have an extra set of hands, who knew?!  bless you Robert!  we'll have to do that again sometime :)

Everett has repeatedly begged me to let him carry Phoenix in the backpack.  i have repeatedly refused.  this was our compromise!  he did well, but i think he realized that carrying some weight in there isn't as fun as it looks!  i'm guessing the begging will stop. 

it was a beautiful location in west pasco, we really enjoyed the views around the farm as we walked throughout the field! 

they were especially drawn to the rotten pumpkins...why is that?

it was a successful trip.  no injuries, no crying, no whining (amazing right?), just lots of fresh air and a whopping 149 pounds of pumpkins to rot on my front porch.  can't wait!

happy fall my friends!  (btw, if you want to comment and give me great ideas of things to do with all the pumpkins/gourds before they rot all over my front porch, i would certainly be open to your ideas!)

while we were gone

One of the girls who babysat the boys this last week has a blog and she just put this super fun post about watching our boys on it.  I had to attach the link because there's some cute pics, good perspective and a funny video of Phoenix.  Such a blessing to know they were so loved in our absence!

http://ashleybobiles.blogspot.com/2010/09/this-last-week-has-been-pretty-busy.html

refreshed

a laborious weekend...

with friends....

we ALL enjoyed our weekend with some friends visiting from out of town.  we met them while the guys attended multnomah together and shared life together for a couple years.  when we met, they had one little girl, close to a year old and lincoln was still in the womb.  now, we have 9 between us, 7 boys and 2 girls.  we all enjoyed having some little girls in the house for the weekend.  although exhausted, we are refreshed by their love and the time spent catching up.  the kids had a blast together and played well the whole weekend.  lincoln even cried when they were leaving this morning, which is unheard of!    

farmer's market (butter beans, tomatoes, onions, basil), howard amon park for some music, playground time and throwing rocks in the columbia, double date night, church, coffee, tour of tri-cities, catching praying mantis's, feeding them then watching them breed (great home school lesson :) ), project runway, value village and sewing...our weekend in a nutshell.

New Brother

We welcomed Phoenix Hudson on Saturday, July 11th at 2:37 PM.

5lbs. 14 oz. 18 3/4 inches

Birthday Pictures

The boys had a great birthday party this year. We wanted to keep it small, so we asked the Mallory family out at Camp Gilead if they would host a scavenger hunt and sleepover for them. They are friends of ours that have 5 little boys. We invited one other family that has 2 boys, so all together we had 11 boys 7 and under! It was a blast. They had a scavenger hunt around camp dressed up in their hero costumes, cooked smores over the camp fire, ate cupcakes and finished the night by watching Kung Fu Panda, and then got to sleep in camp cabins! Thanks to Camp Gilead and the Mallories, (and the Webers for coming too :) )

It was such a blessing to watch Hewitt run and play with the other boys, even running with a light saber in his hand WITHOUT a helmet. Praise God for this awesome break!

#5

We had our second ultrasound today, confirming that we are in fact pregnant with boy number 5! I am currently without comment on this information.

Changes for the New Year

This has more to do with our overall family, but wanted to share anyway. First of all, we're starting the new year expecting our 5th child in July! I'm almost 13 weeks and we're really excited about the arrival of another little one. Second, after much prayer and wise counsel, Hayden and I decided to purchase a local shipping/postal store. It is a really low key store, only open from 12-5 M-F. Things worked out financially, God opened all the doors so we just kept walking through them. We had our first official day on Friday and Tuesday I will have my first official day with just me and the boys! We'll do our school here along with naps and the other stuff we do. So far the kids are excited and we are too. It will definitely be an adjustment, but this suits us well. I have never been a homebody and staying home and homeschooling has been a challenge for me that way. I am excited to have a place to "go" everyday where we can do school, run a business and be a family! It's less than 2 blocks from the church and less than a mile from our house. Please pray for us as we start this new adventure!

Roller coaster

Another week gone by and another week of fighting colds and tummy bugs and the seizures keep creeping in. I've been really discouraged all week by this return of seizures. He had probably 20 today and 2 big ones already this week. I keep hoping it's just a little tummy bug that Titus seems to have too, but I don't know for sure, he has minimal symptoms. This has me guessing whether or not the diet changes are really going to be the ultimate answer for him like I hoped they would be. They aren't enough to keep all of them away, so we need to figure out what our next step will be. I can't believe it, but I've been considering adding a new med and seeing how it goes. I have been doing a lot of reading the last couple nights about some more recent research on MAE and they in the medical articles they narrow down the treatments that seem to be effective for kids with it. I think we need to be open, there's still a couple drugs that aren't as heavy duty that we would be willing to try. This article affirmed that for me, so now I think we just need to wait out this illness (or maybe winter) and decide what to do next. It has made me realize that it is easy to become complacent with "just" a few seizures a day. I need to get back to fighting any and all seizures. It's not fair to him for us to settle for anything less.

I have tried to make an effort not to overthink things with this. If I get all stressed out and worried it doesn't help anything, especially him. But, this week, seeing more drops...watching him fall 2 feet away from me and not being able to catch him has been pushing me back down that road. Everytime he gives me his sweet smile and I see his little gray tooth (that's gray because he fell on it) it's a reminder of the battle he's in. His behavior continues to decline and I often don't know how to deal with it - which leaves all of us frustrated. This week, the idea of a seizure dog has popped back into my mind. I can't help but wonder if it would be a good distraction for his horrible behavior. Only problem is these dogs can cost up to $15,000 depending on what company you go through. But, lots of people do fundraisers to cover the cost of it all. So, I will research and see what I can find.

Teriyaki

We took Hayden to Ichi Bento for lunch today. (It's a local teriyaki place). While the kids and I waited for him in the parking lot, the following conversation manifested. I should note, we were listening to the Christian radio station.

Lincoln says in a sincerely syrup sweet voice "Mom, do you know what my favorite word is? It's Christ. Christ is my favorite word."

Everett chimes in, obviously trying to one up Lincoln: "Mom, do you know what my favorite word is? It's God."

Hewitt eagerly joins the conversation: " Mom, guess what my favorite word is?" long pause "my favorite word is" another long pause "teriyaki"

And, that, in a nutshell is Hewitt. He wants to be a part of things, but could care less if he's different. This serves him well these days as he eats much differently than the other 2. I'm sure it will serve him well in life! I love it about him. These guys are so funny. I wish I had something where I could just secretly record some of the things they randomly say. In their pursuit of Godliness, and learning "how" to be a Christian, I love hearing what comes out of their mouths!

We are at the end of our SECOND seizure free day! Woo-hoo.

the zoo

Monday, Hayden and I left for Cannon Beach, Oregon. We wanted to spend some fun family time together before we left so we took the boys to the zoo on Saturday. We had a great time exploring and seeing all the animals. There's so much to see, it's more than a day trip especially with Hewitt and Titus' ages. We've talked about getting a zoo membership, but I think this solidified it for us. It would be nice to go and take in a little bit at a time so we could really enjoy it all. Hewitt had a great day and only had a couple drops all day! It made for such a relaxing time. The boys are staying with my parents in Olympia and we are at Cannon Beach Conference Center for a pastors and wives retreat.

We look forward to going home tomorrow and seeing them. It's been nice to be away, but they ended up being sick while we've been gone, so we really want to get back and see them all! It also seems like we've been going a lot for the last couple months and for once, I actually want to be at home (i'm not much of a home body) and I'm looking forward to the routine (something else I resist) of school, AWANA, things returning to a schedule.

Pray for Hewitt that he doesn't catch this tummy bug his brother's got. I had it the first day we were here and it was miserable. An hour after we left my parents house we got a call and he had a big seizure. The first one he's had since the end of May! A lot of times kids can have breakthrough seizures if their fighting something or sick. I'm hoping his body already fought it off and he doesn't have anymore! So far so good. He hasn't been sick once since this all started so we don't really know how he would react to illness if he gets one. I know it's bound to happen, but I'm happy to avoid it if at all possible!

A Week with Nana and Papa

Tomorrow I am leaving, along with Hayden, and a small group of teens and leaders from church to go to San Francisco for a missions trip. We are leaving ALL of the boys at my parents house for the week. I brought the boys down to Olympia tonight so they could get settled with one of us here instead of dropping them off quickly in the morning. I wasn't originally planning on going but one of our leaders had to stay here last minute, so I am going in his place. We are really excited, yet apprehensive at the idea of leaving everyone for a week. Most of all, Hewitt and Titus. My parents are thrilled to have them for the week so that eases some of the worry. I know they will have fun and they are in good hands. But, we are driving and are 12 hours away by car...I have to keep reassuring myself that if there was an emergency I could get an emergency flight home and that it will be okay...it will be okay.

We had two fun surprises today. The first was getting to watch the Blue Angels diving and swooping and speeding all over the place as we drove through Seattle. It was so incredible to watch them, even just from the car. Traffic was slow, but what a great reason to actually enjoy slowing down for a minute. Our second surprise came when a fire engine drove down my parents rural cul-de-sac and stopped when they saw the boys out and let them have a tour! It was a brand new engine and they had a blast climbing around, sitting in the driver's and passenger seats, watching the lights come on, and when they left they ran the siren for a minute. It was priceless and a great way to start their week at Papa and Nana's! In all my anxiety, I can see God's blessing already coming through.

Please pray that we would be focused this week and be a blessing to those we are serving. Also for continued safety for our family and those on this trip.

Pink Floyd and Billy Joel

God amazes me. I wish I had a better word then amazes, because I happen to use that when referring to all kinds of things. Like the great wash machine someone gave me that holds a ton of clothes...hardly the same playing field as God. Nonetheless, in my inadequate human terms, He is amazing. When all of this started with Hewitt, He gave me this adrenaline I'd never had before. I didn't really care if I slept, I didn't need or want a break, I just wanted to be near him all the time. I would like to think these are the maternal instincts He created me with. I had just never felt them quite so intensely. But, like anything that repeats itself for so long - I began to grow tired...maybe about a month ago.

I have been asking God for a break, for a reprieve, to lift my heart and soul. I didn't know what that was going to look like, but I was resting in His promise that He gives rest to the weary. (matthew 11:28-30) I had an older, wiser woman once tell me that as a busy mom you have to stop looking for the breaks all the time and trust that God is going to give them to you. He knows the burden we carry and He wants to take it from us. So, last weekend when our friends unexpectedly offered to take the kids I thought this is the break He has been planning. Praise Him! He is good. Friends we feel good leaving Hewitt (and Lincoln and Everett) with. Time away. Time alone. Time with just Titus. (a rarity) God provided physical and mental rest at a wonderful time. My body and mind have felt rejuvenated all week.

But, I'll be honest...as soon as we saw Hewitt again on Monday and saw him dropping and drooling and staring off...my heart was so heavy burdened again. I felt a little embittered at my break. I knew it was good, I knew it was from God, but I still felt so sad. All day long I am restricting him from things that every normal kid should be able to do...it's so exhausting. I feel like I'm withholding childhood from him at times...I carry this guilt, and I can see now, a brokenheart. Sometimes I don't know what to do with my brokenheart. It has come so unexpectedly, and I don't know how to heal it. I can't change what's happened to him and I have to keep doing what I'm doing to keep him safe. Tonight, God gave me something beautiful - and I think the reprieve my heart needed. It was very simple, and it might seem silly. But, we went to this fair with friends in Mountlake Terrace tonight. We sat in this field while live music played and all the boys were up and dancing, except Hewitt. Sometimes I can't even look at him when we're faced with these situations. I want to let him go so badly, but I don't want him to get hurt. We hadn't seen any seizures in a while, so we decided to let him get out of the stroller. We got him out and that little boy danced like I had never seen him dance before. (He was on super soft grass and he didn't have his helmet on.) He danced to Pink Floyd and Billy Joel songs with ladies he didn't know, he boogied all over the place. It brought so much joy to my heart and soul...I couldn't even describe the feeling, just watching him have fun, be a kid and MOVE around without someone holding his hand or anything. I felt like I was radiating within. And with that one little event, God is showing me He will heal my heart. He will lift my soul.

Psalm 147:3 - "he heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

Some Time Apart

As I write this, I sit in my quiet and empty house, only hearing the quiet snore of Hayden taking a little nap!

Friday, we went up to Bellingham to visit with a family from our old church who recently lost their father/husband. Hayden has the honor of leading the memorial service this coming Monday. We had planned to drop the boys off with some other friends while we met with the family, and right before we left town, she called back and told me we could leave the boys for the weekend if we felt comfortable. I told her I would bring their stuff and think about it on the way up.

The longest we've been away from Hewitt since this all started is a few hours for a couple date nights. Now we had the opportunity to leave him for a whole weekend...a choice that's hard even when your child isn't having these new medical issues! But, we trust this family, they've watched our boys many times before this all started while we've gone on weekends away. I don't know if they fully understand what they've signed up for and how much of a blessing it is to us to get a mental break from all of this. They have 3 older school-aged children and it is so sweet to see them all play and get along so well. They are very dear to us. So, he is having a blast, doing okay. He hasn't had any big ones and I keep my phone with me constantly. This is good. (i keep repeating to myself) It's good for Hayden and I. We kept Titus with us, but just lined up a last-minute baby lover from our church to take him for the night...WE HAVE A NIGHT IN OUR HOUSE ALONE! We'll probably end up doing something really lame like cleaning it or playing video games or something...but, whatever we do, we'll be together, alone for an evening and that is wonderful. It's something we need to do for us and for our kids. So, I am going to quit being lame, get off the computer and take my husband out for dinner!

A Helping Hand

I had a meeting with a social health person a couple weeks ago. I had Hewitt and Titus with me at the meeting and had the opportunity to share with the woman, what we've been going through with Hewitt. She had the opportunity to witness what we've been dealing with (he was having a lot of drops that morning). She was very sweet and about a week later I received a lovely message on my voicemail from her. She said she couldn't get my adorable little boy out of her head and she wanted to do something to help us. She made a referral for a public health nurse to come meet with us. She said the nurse would be available to help us find our way through the system.

So, today we had a public health nurse come to our house. I am so excited that she is now a part of our lives and this mess we're in. I think her services will help us navigate through the many elements that I often don't have time to pursue (or knew they even existed) - the medical system, support groups for our family, disability insurance, getting him into a headstart program, etc..she is available to help us be an advocate for Hewitt. The meeting helped affirm our feelings about our neurologist...that we as parents have a responsibility and if our Dr. isn't willing to listen to our concerns then we need to seek care elsewhere. Her service is provided free of charge and she is available to help us with whatever we need help with! I feel so much better knowing we have one more person in our corner that has dealt with the medical system.

Medically, this hasn't been a great week for Hewitt. His drop seizures have decreased since we decreased the dose of his 3rd med (depakote). But, his absences have increased by a lot. The last couple days have been really frustrating to watch him be so out of it for such a large portion of the day...we continue to struggle knowing when to administer his emergency meds. We are looking forward to seeing a new Dr. on the 21st that will give us a more clear understanding of how to handle these episodes. The nurse today said she would give a call to Children's and try to get us an appointment even sooner. This would be great as we would prefer not to have to go back to the neurologist at Mary Bridge.

Hayden speaks at a camp next week for their Jr. Highers and we will all join him. I hope this will be a great time to just be somewhere else and be distracted by the outdoors, new faces and some time together as a family. We would appreciate your prayers for the week. For Hayden especially that God would just give him a clear mind and that we would be a joy to have along and not a big distraction. We think it's a great ministry opportunity to be there as a family, but sometimes can get so caught up in family that it's hard to reach out! Please pray for a balance regarding that! Thanks again for your prayers, your encouragement and your love! This would be a lonely road to travel alone and we are thankful for the family, old friends, and new ones, that God has provided along the way.

A Breather

Some pics from breakfast this morning. Yesterday, Hewitt was pushing a big plastic car on the floor in the nursery and had a drop, faceplanting onto the car. We took him to the ER later that day to make sure nothing was broken. The bruise kept creeping up his face and it was so swollen we needed to make sure! We decided to give him his "rescue" med yesterday afternoon. He was having so many drops it was hard to keep him safe. We were also hoping it might break the cycle of all the seizures he's been having. It has given us a temporarily breather! We haven't seen a seizure since we gave it to him yesterday. I know it's temporary, but it's been a nice break nonetheless!

Brother Bonding

Everett had his 5 year well child check up today and Hewitt needed a blood draw and to get fitted for a helmet. So, I took them together and they had some much needed bonding. Everett got to witness what Hewitt routinely goes through. Hopefully he won't be too traumatized by the whole thing. It takes 3 of us to hold Hewitt and draw his blood. This might be normal for a 3 year old, (don't know) but it is not fun to watch. Everett was not expecting to see that and it definitely got his attention and hopefully perked up his inborne protectiveness over his little brother that I know is in there somewhere. We were at children's hospital for one of the appointments and they have such fun things there. When we got in the car Hewitt said "That was such a fun Dr.'s appointment!" I'm sure it helped they both got new books and stickers to take home.

A shot of testosterone

After Hewitt's EEG on Monday we thought it would be fun to stop by the new Cabela's they put in Hawk's Prairie. It was a perfect little (free) adventure for the boys. We felt a little lost in all the hunting gear, but the boys enjoyed seeing all the displays, waterfall, fish exhibit, camping gear, etc. We had to laugh at how a non-hunting family goes through that store vs. one that hunts. (We have nothing against hunting, we just don't do it.) It was more like a zoo visit and appreciation for all of the preserved wildlife more than it was an appreciation for the kill...we felt slightly hippieish! Hayden is an absolute animal lover and loves teaching the boys about wildlife. A great little school excursion! Here they are posed on a tractor outside.

How this affects our whole family

Last night we were getting all of the boys in bed and when it came time for Lincoln to give Hewitt a kiss goodnight, he absolutely refused. He refused to the point he got in trouble for it! He and I had a discussion about the situation and it ended up being a great time where he opened up to me about how he's been feeling. It was relieving and heartbreaking all at the same time. He told me he didn't want to kiss Hewitt because he wasn't a "normal" brother. Becaue he has seizures. When he first said this I was so upset, felt so defensive of Hewitt, but God was near and calmed my heart a little bit. I let Lincoln talk. I don't think he quite knew how to describe how he felt about it. He knew he wasn't scared or embarassed. He kept saying he just didn't like Hewitt because he has seizures. I tried to explain to him how this is an unfair reason not to like someone. I gave him an example of him breaking his arm, and what if Everett didn't like him anymore because he had a broken arm....he saw my point. I could think of other reasons for him to not like Hewitt from a big brother perspective. Like that Hewitt hits him, takes his toys, breaks things, gives me a hard time (Lincoln is very protective of me) things like that. Pesky little brother things. But, just based on the seizures? So, we talked about how important it is that we love and protect one another in our family. Even our little brother who has seizures, ESPECIALLY our little brother who has seizures. We prayed that God would grow his heart with love for Hewitt. He also said he doesn't like it because he talks to him and he just stares off and doesn't answer him, and that he's just keeps thinking he's going to have another seizure. This really hit me hard. I think about that all the time but I had never stopped to think that Lincoln, at 6, would be worrying about another one coming. He's been here since day one though, seeing all of them. I am praying that God will use this in his heart. I was encouraged to see that he was stronger emotionally than I realized. I read today it is normal for siblings of kids with epilepsy to feel guilty for feeling the way they do. They see that their parents are stressed out and they don't want to give them anything else to worry about. I think I am going to look for a local support group or family with a similar situation. I think it would be good for him, and eventually Everett to talk to other kids about being a sibling dealing with this. I hope that it will build their character in a way it wouldn't have been strengthened otherwise.