Wounds

Some of you that are my Facebook friends probably saw me post this picture this week:


There are many things I want to say about wounds and the importance of looking beyond the surface with people...but, the reason for this post today is not for a rant about wounds. (because that's what it would be) It's because of my friend Laura and her family. Laura and I went to school together. In fact, our senior year of high school, she was my dearest friend. Our friendship had only just developed that year but we had a lot of fun together, did school projects together and I loved spending time at her house with her crazy family. We haven't seen each other much since graduation. A few times here and there. She married her high school sweetheart Steven and they are the perfect match - they complement one another so well...they are a great couple. Anyone would be blessed to have them as friends.

As we've grown our families, we have stayed connected on Facebook. I've enjoyed seeing her 3 boys all close ages to 3 of my boys. There is something about having only boys that boy mama's get. We were pregnant at the same time in 2011, her with her 4th baby and first girl. Me with my 6th boy, Kingston. I really enjoyed seeing the process through Facebook, a girl nursery all decorated and ready for her arrival. Kingston was born on her baby's due date. Laura went past her due dates with all her boys so they weren't concerned. But, on the 24th, something went wrong. You can read her story on her blog http://finneganlife.blogspot.com/. What did happen is it left their family without a baby girl to bring home and without the option of even trying for another. They are devastated. They are in mourning. I can't imagine how one would even move forward with that kind of pain. Laura has done a great job sharing her raw feelings on her blog and I would encourage you to read it and pray for them. I am so encouraged by her willingness to just be real with her readers. If you are interested in helping another way, you can donate to an upcoming walk that they participate in to support The Tears Foundation. It's a non-profit created to help parents offset the funeral and burial costs after a baby dies (things you never even imagine you'll have to think about), and they also provide a monthly support group for grieving families. They will be walking in Tacoma on June 15th. If you want to give to this great organization and support the walk you can donate here: First Giving

I want to honor the memory of Brynna. Her birth and death changed me. My letter to Laura in the next post explains how it changed me. I hope that you will walk gently through the lives of those around you. You just don't know what people are dealing with.

She's beautiful, they're beautiful.

Hope

Hope Ellen Anderson June 17, 1952- March 19, 2013

If you haven't already heard, March 19th, my mother in law, Hope Anderson, suddenly passed away in her home. Hope had many medical issues, the most glaring was a blood clot that ran the length of one of her legs. She didn't get much relief from this clot and it caused her a lot of pain and a lot of frustration. They believe that clot was most likely the cause of her death. That part of it broke off and went to one of her lungs. We will never know for sure what happened, but we do know she is no longer suffering.

The last two weeks have held a mix of emotions. As some of you might know, my mother in law and I did more toe-to-toe than we did eye-to-eye. Losing her so quickly made the reality of our relationship cut sharp. Although the things we disagreed on were things that I felt were necessary for protection of my own family, it doesn't change the fact that our relationship wasn't the best and that is just hard for me to swallow some days. Death, although simple and permanent, leaves a wake of complicated emotions and grief. Not being able to say goodbye might be one of the hardest things. Not being able to reassure her that despite the years of toe-to-toe I still saw her heart-to-heart. I still longed to see her whole, to see her well, to see her happy again. My heart broke to see her in pain, to see her let go...that all of my disagreement was with the hope that it would shine light to where she was hurting and that light would bring her some relief from her pain. I don't think she was ever able to see it that way while living and it hurts to think she thought I just didn't love her. I know that it doesn't matter now. She is free of pain, free of suffering and for that, I am so thankful. I am relieved for her to be able to leave her broken body behind. I hope as the years pass the hurtful parts of our relationship will fade and these memories will be what shines:

I will remember these things about Hope.

She adored her boys and loved them furiously. She protected them from harm and clung to them for love and hope. She came from a hard upbringing and fought her way out. I wish I could have seen this young Hope - the fighter, the lover, the one who lived full of life and joy.

This woman, she loved Jesus. She adored Jesus. She didn't do Christianity perfectly, but who does? Who ever could? She talked about Jesus, she dreamed of joining Jesus in heaven and she shared that dream with all who would listen. She looked upon this world as a temporary dwelling and in her departure I would like to think she was glad to say goodbye. Excited to run into the arms of her Savior. The only peaceful, perfect protection her heart has ever really known. Goodbye to the pain, goodbye to the heartbreak of lovers lost, goodbye to a broken body that let her down, goodbye to a world full of hate and sin and all that is anti-Jesus. She longed for beauty and redemption.

Nanny, her grandchildren called her. Nanny, was their grandmother that brought them little gifts. Nanny, was their grandmother that loved her little dog. Nanny, loved things that were pretty. She loved flowers and color and all God's living creatures. She found pretties and surrounded herself with them. A gesture of worship to the one who created all of the beautiful things, I think.

This woman, she prayed. She prayed for all things she knew that were hurting. She lifted her family, her friends, her hurts, her struggle, her lost love, strangers as friends, she lifted them all the same...she lifted them to the One she believed could heal and trusted He knew what to do with it all. Her faith was like that of a child.

She was beautiful, she loved, she was full of faith and worship and these are the things I will remember.





All of the family together. She would have LOVED this.

Grandma Paige

Today is my Grandma Paige's birthday.  She is my Mom's mom.  She was born in 1933.

When I was 15, she died of cancer. 

She was 61. 

I really didn't understand the gravity of that at 15. 

I was into boys, clothes, sports and friends and my immature mind and heart couldn't fully grasp what it meant for her to leave us at such a young age.

Sadly, it's now,16 years later, I am only just beginning to see the depth of her absence. 

There is something about the Matriarch of the family that holds things together a certain way.  I don't know if my family feels it, and I think the Aunts and Uncles have done a great job of stepping up and taking over, but it will never be the same without her (or Grandpa) there.  I do hope we can honor their faithfulness to our family, by continuing to meet, by sincerely having whole relationships with one another and teaching our kids about who they were and what they meant to our lives.

At 15, I was naive to think my Grandma would be around forever.  I assumed that she would celebrate my graduation, see me get married, and be around for the birth of my first child.  That time is lost and I have wished so many times that she was still here. I would love to just sit and talk to her about life.  She birthed 5 kids too; 2 girls and then 3 boys (and rowdy ones too).  Imagine the wisdom she could have imparted!

I think she would've loved my little troop of boys. 

My Mom still cries about her being gone.(hope you don't mind me sharing that Mom, but it's sweet and genuine)  It's been 16 years and she misses her so much still.  My Mom turns 60 this year and I just can't even begin to imagine losing her anytime soon.  My heart aches for her loss. 

My Grandma was tough, I remember having a certain respect for her "toughness" as a child.  It definitely border lined fear!  My Grandma was pretty.  She always kept her hair short, (and so does my Mom now).  She had pretty eyes and I loved her smile.  I remember the sweatshirts she sewed herself, they always had this jersey knit edging on them.  I have looked for that jersey knit edging and you can't find it anymore.  Maybe she made it.

We spent time at their house a lot as kids, working and playing in their yard and their woods.  Hiding out in Grandpa's big shop, playing house up in the loft, taking naps upstairs...they had this great A-frame house.  Upstairs in the loft it had storage doors on the inside perimeter and we could open those doors and hide and play in those little areas.  They were like little caves, and I remember loving that upstairs.  It smelled like Grandma.  Her sewing stuff was up there (and we NEVER touched it).  There were big windows on each end of the upstairs and you could look out over the whole yard and as a child those windows seemed huge. 

I remember being there for her birthday one year and I think I was in charge of writing her age on the cake.  It must have been her 54th birthday, so I would've been 8!  Instead of writing 54 though, I wrote 84 on the cake instead.  I was completely clueless as to why that was so funny, but I remember her laughing about it.  NOT being mad, but just laughing that I though she was 84.  (I wasn't dumb, I was 8)

My perspective is limited, but without a doubt, I do remember this:

She loved my Grandpa.
She was a faithful wife and mother for 45 years.  WOW!  I just calculated that.
She was tough as nails.
She loved her children and her grandchildren.

There was a time where those things were common.  That time is not now.  

I am thankful for the legacy that she has left, even if she left us early. 

I miss you Grandma. 

Happy Birthday!

tribute

65 years ago today, these two cuties:

tied the knot!  A few years later, they became a family like this:

and many years (and bad haircuts) later, this:

I grew up watching them do this:

Celebrating 50 years:

60 years

And, today would have been 65 years together.

But, this May, my Grandpa's life came to a peaceful end. 

He lived a long and beautiful life, full of love.

I miss him.  I miss them together.

 

The two of them, created a legacy of love that is to be admired, honored, and my hope, to be carried down through the generations of our family.  We will tell their stories, teach our children, and remember our lives together.

Happy Anniversary Grandma and Grandpa.  You have inspired me (and many others) to persevere, because love isn't easy, but it's worth it.  Thank you for the legacy you leave us.