Saturday, April 06, 2013
Hope Ellen Anderson June 17, 1952- March 19, 2013
If you haven't already heard, March 19th, my mother in law, Hope Anderson, suddenly passed away in her home. Hope had many medical issues, the most glaring was a blood clot that ran the length of one of her legs. She didn't get much relief from this clot and it caused her a lot of pain and a lot of frustration. They believe that clot was most likely the cause of her death. That part of it broke off and went to one of her lungs. We will never know for sure what happened, but we do know she is no longer suffering.
The last two weeks have held a mix of emotions. As some of you might know, my mother in law and I did more toe-to-toe than we did eye-to-eye. Losing her so quickly made the reality of our relationship cut sharp. Although the things we disagreed on were things that I felt were necessary for protection of my own family, it doesn't change the fact that our relationship wasn't the best and that is just hard for me to swallow some days. Death, although simple and permanent, leaves a wake of complicated emotions and grief. Not being able to say goodbye might be one of the hardest things. Not being able to reassure her that despite the years of toe-to-toe I still saw her heart-to-heart. I still longed to see her whole, to see her well, to see her happy again. My heart broke to see her in pain, to see her let go...that all of my disagreement was with the hope that it would shine light to where she was hurting and that light would bring her some relief from her pain. I don't think she was ever able to see it that way while living and it hurts to think she thought I just didn't love her. I know that it doesn't matter now. She is free of pain, free of suffering and for that, I am so thankful. I am relieved for her to be able to leave her broken body behind. I hope as the years pass the hurtful parts of our relationship will fade and these memories will be what shines:
I will remember these things about Hope.
She adored her boys and loved them furiously. She protected them from harm and clung to them for love and hope. She came from a hard upbringing and fought her way out. I wish I could have seen this young Hope - the fighter, the lover, the one who lived full of life and joy.
This woman, she loved Jesus. She adored Jesus. She didn't do Christianity perfectly, but who does? Who ever could? She talked about Jesus, she dreamed of joining Jesus in heaven and she shared that dream with all who would listen. She looked upon this world as a temporary dwelling and in her departure I would like to think she was glad to say goodbye. Excited to run into the arms of her Savior. The only peaceful, perfect protection her heart has ever really known. Goodbye to the pain, goodbye to the heartbreak of lovers lost, goodbye to a broken body that let her down, goodbye to a world full of hate and sin and all that is anti-Jesus. She longed for beauty and redemption.
Nanny, her grandchildren called her. Nanny, was their grandmother that brought them little gifts. Nanny, was their grandmother that loved her little dog. Nanny, loved things that were pretty. She loved flowers and color and all God's living creatures. She found pretties and surrounded herself with them. A gesture of worship to the one who created all of the beautiful things, I think.
This woman, she prayed. She prayed for all things she knew that were hurting. She lifted her family, her friends, her hurts, her struggle, her lost love, strangers as friends, she lifted them all the same...she lifted them to the One she believed could heal and trusted He knew what to do with it all. Her faith was like that of a child.
She was beautiful, she loved, she was full of faith and worship and these are the things I will remember.
All of the family together. She would have LOVED this.