Happy Father's Day Dad!

Dad,
I hate not being with you on Father's Day, but I cooked some tri-tip roasts in your honor and we ate them all in your honor too. I let my kids eat junk food along side their veggies and smiled, thinking about how you always buy so many groceries every time you come visit and how I give you a hard time about buying the kids junk food. Making memories. That's what that's all about.

Today at church, Pastor Jim talked about the sins of our fathers and being intentional about breaking those sins generationally. It got me thinking about how you broke the chain of Mormonism in your family and what an impact that will have on generations to come. I am so thankful you met Jesus and you introduced us girls to him as well. This also got me thinking about Grandpa. How could I not? We have spent so many father's days together and I hurt for you thinking about how hard it must be to celebrate today without him. I hate thinking about the day I might celebrate it without you. You see, even though I'm sure there were some generational sins that got passed down along the way. I see many more things that I'm glad were passed down. You learned beautifully how to love from your Dad (and Mom). I really believe I chose a man that adores me because of what I saw growing up in our family. The way Grandpa always looked at Grandma, the way you look at Mom....and even the way Grandpa looked at us and I sneak glimpses of you doing the same. There can be a lot of love in a look and I can pull up a memory of Grandpa in a second just by thinking about the way he used to look at us and then our kids. He adored us all and poured so much into loving us. It is such a beautiful gift that I hope I am passing along to my own children. There are generational sins but there are also generational blessings wouldn't you say?

I also think of you a lot when I think about my little outnumbered family situation. How I long for a girl sometimes and I think of you and how you got your boys when we all got married. I hope that I welcome and love on my future daughter in laws in the same way that you have accepted my husband into our family. You might be the only real stable father figure he's had in his life and I'm so glad he has your example to follow on how to love and lead.

Thanks for being such a great Dad all these years. We feel so blessed to have parents we get along with and actually want to spend time with. It seems like a rare thing!

Blessings to you sweet Daddy-o!!

Hewitt Update

Okay, well I have good news and bad news. I'll start with the bad news first.

Hewitt was still having seizures. That will always be in the bad news category (duh). He is mostly having absence seizures. The Dr. said around 4:30am they started increasing until he was having very short ones every 10 seconds after waking up. They seemed to taper off after a while, but I was definitely bummed to hear they were coming every 10 seconds.

Good news. In his quick check through his EEG he didn't see any myoclonic seizures. These are the ones that make his arm jerk involuntarily that I thought I had seen an increase of. He did say he could see why, that he was making some jerky movements with his arms but he said they were NORMAL little boy spasticness. I loved hearing that and I probably wouldn't have believed him until he showed it to me on the EEG reading.

The Dr. spoke at length with me about how Hewitt is doing in school and behaviorally. This is probably my biggest concern right now. He's behind. I know he's intelligent, that's not my concern. It's just getting the information to stick in that sweet little head of his. Hopefully this summer I will be able to spend more concentrated time working with him. His Dr. had a lot of great ideas of ways we could help him and also suggested finding a child psychologist to help us with some of the behavior modifications.

This is probably one of the hardest things we are dealing with right now. It is really hard to watch him with other kids. He really struggles with boundaries and appropriateness and it just breaks my heart to watch him struggle through this. I know God will use it as part of his story - but it hurts my heart. And, sometimes it breaks his. So, we will continue to fight for him this way. ..trusting that there is a purpose for it all.

Our next move is to remove the Keppra from his med routine. Just typing that makes me feel all fluttery and nervous. Hayden and I have talked for years about whether or not this med is contributing to his behavioral issues. It's so hard to know what does and doesn't at this point. He's been on this med since the very beginning though...April of 2008. So, we will take the next 8-9 weeks and very slowly wean him off of that. This is what I would really appreciate prayer for more than anything. This could mean that we might be dealing with exaggerated side effects for the next 8-12 weeks as his body adjusts to not having it. I feel like this is a good move for him, but I'm still nervous about it. We have a medicine picked out to add if we need to add one. I'm hoping we can just stay on the one, but we will see. The Dr. said that they don't treat absence seizures very aggressively at this age. But, if he's still having them when it comes to driving age we will revisit that. So, part of me is excited for this change and the potential for his behavior to normalize but part of me is terrified that removing it will throw us back into hundreds of seizures a day again. Deep breaths - lots of deep breaths. We would covet your prayers for this transition. It has potential to be a very difficult one.

It feels good to have a plan in place and this appointment behind us. We have a busy ministry summer so I'm excited to let go of the school year and jump into summer!

Wounds

Some of you that are my Facebook friends probably saw me post this picture this week:


There are many things I want to say about wounds and the importance of looking beyond the surface with people...but, the reason for this post today is not for a rant about wounds. (because that's what it would be) It's because of my friend Laura and her family. Laura and I went to school together. In fact, our senior year of high school, she was my dearest friend. Our friendship had only just developed that year but we had a lot of fun together, did school projects together and I loved spending time at her house with her crazy family. We haven't seen each other much since graduation. A few times here and there. She married her high school sweetheart Steven and they are the perfect match - they complement one another so well...they are a great couple. Anyone would be blessed to have them as friends.

As we've grown our families, we have stayed connected on Facebook. I've enjoyed seeing her 3 boys all close ages to 3 of my boys. There is something about having only boys that boy mama's get. We were pregnant at the same time in 2011, her with her 4th baby and first girl. Me with my 6th boy, Kingston. I really enjoyed seeing the process through Facebook, a girl nursery all decorated and ready for her arrival. Kingston was born on her baby's due date. Laura went past her due dates with all her boys so they weren't concerned. But, on the 24th, something went wrong. You can read her story on her blog http://finneganlife.blogspot.com/. What did happen is it left their family without a baby girl to bring home and without the option of even trying for another. They are devastated. They are in mourning. I can't imagine how one would even move forward with that kind of pain. Laura has done a great job sharing her raw feelings on her blog and I would encourage you to read it and pray for them. I am so encouraged by her willingness to just be real with her readers. If you are interested in helping another way, you can donate to an upcoming walk that they participate in to support The Tears Foundation. It's a non-profit created to help parents offset the funeral and burial costs after a baby dies (things you never even imagine you'll have to think about), and they also provide a monthly support group for grieving families. They will be walking in Tacoma on June 15th. If you want to give to this great organization and support the walk you can donate here: First Giving

I want to honor the memory of Brynna. Her birth and death changed me. My letter to Laura in the next post explains how it changed me. I hope that you will walk gently through the lives of those around you. You just don't know what people are dealing with.

She's beautiful, they're beautiful.

A Letter to Laura

{Originally written October 2012}

My sweet friend,

I wish I knew the exact number of times that you've come to mind this last year.  I would like to think that it would encourage you somehow.  To know that you are thought of, loved and prayed for so often. If you could hear and see how many people have thought, prayed and cried for you as you've walked this journey over the last year. How we have watched, some up close and many from afar, your hearts be broken in a way unimaginable to most parents.  I think back to October of last year.  I don't know if you realize this or if I ever told you, but Kingston was born on October 15th - Brynna's due date.  I can't type that without crying. I know that you would never want me to feel guilty for not losing my baby, but so often, I look at him and I think of her and your family and all of the wonderful things of having a new baby in the house, and how unfair it is that you aren't holding her right now. I think they call it survivor guilt?   I think about that Sunday morning, sitting in the nursery with him, I felt a tug on my heart to pray for you.  I didn't know why at the time, but God was asking me to pray without knowing why.  I think I messaged you on Facebook to tell you that He had put you on my heart.  Little did we know what was about to happen.

Hayden and I went on a trip this month and we arrived home on the 15th.  I felt bad that we missed most of Kingston's first birthday, but figured we could just celebrate when we got home that weekend.  Well, the supplies are bought, it's now 2 weeks past his first birthday and we still haven't done a party for him.  I keep thinking about you and your remembering Brynna's birthday.  I think about how I want to do something to honor her, to honor all of you.  I don't know why, but I am having such a hard time just having this birthday party.  It feels so unfair that I get to celebrate - and again, I know that's not what you would want, but the feeling just lingers there.  And, Kingston is a baby and he isn't going to know we did his first birthday really late...but, I just feel like I can't move forward with it and I just wanted you to know.   I want you to know that because of Brynna I did things differently with Kingston.  I held him more, he stayed in our room much longer than the other boys did, Kingston rarely cries longer than 30 seconds because if I can't get to him one of his brothers does, I tried very hard not to complain about those middle of the night feedings and dirty diapers, I stopped our life in ways I had never done with the other boys and I soaked in this baby as much I could.  He might be spoiled because of all of that but he also might just be a really loved and doted on baby...and I'm completely okay with that.

I really don't know where you're at spiritually and what you believe about God.  All I know is that you were raised Catholic and I think I saw you were going to a MOPS group.  (eh, facebook stalking maybe?)  So, I'm going out on a limb here as I share the following:

I hope this doesn't sound trite or thoughtless, but your loss has encouraged us to embrace what we have in a way that we never have before.  My two biggest prayers for you this year have been this:  That you would process the anger, that if you're mad at God that you would tell Him, that you would lay it all on Him, that you would pound your fists on His chest and tell Him how unfair this is and how much you hurt.  And that in all of the anger and release that God would show Himself to you in a new way, that you would hear how He calls you by name and loves you like His own child.  That you would be given a new day with hope and that your new life redefines what hope used to mean to you.  I pray, my sweet friend, that as you process all of these emotions that your heart would soon be relieved, not that you would forget, I know that you will NEVER forget.  That, when the time is right, you will be able to move forward with peace - and a peace that doesn't even make sense to you.

5/28/2013 - I wrote that over 6 months ago and when I finished it, I didn't feel right about sharing it yet. I don't know why, but I just felt like it was the wrong time. We never did celebrate his first birthday. (Shhh - don't tell him that.) I still look back at that first year as something that has forever changed me. Your girl, your experience, it changed me. I know that we have been apart for so long but something about this has just bound my heart to you and your family. So, it's there, bound to yours whether you want it or not. I just want you to know that I love you, I hurt for you, I tell your story, I share a picture of your sweet baby girl and I pray for your sweet family. You are so very loved. You all are. I hope we can see each other soon so I can give you a big huge hug.

With hope,
Colleen

Hewitt and Titus Update

Sorry for the delay on this. Things have been crazy around here. Even more so than usual, if you can imagine that.

Once again I am feeling thankful for God's hand on our search for a neurologist back in 2008-2009. He was a comfort to me in the hospital with Titus, assured me that what he was dealing with was common and really put my mind at ease. He is funny, caring and brilliant. I am so thankful for him! If you are in Seattle area and you need a pediatric neurologist, I HIGHLY (yeah, I shouted that) recommend Dr. Marcio Sotero.

Titus: The EEG showed that Titus is not having seizures. The neurologist explained to me that they're tics and the only reason we even did the EEG was because of Hewitt's history. I am so thankful to have seizures ruled out. It's a huge relief and has cleared a lot of space out of my brain not having to wonder and worry. He did tell me to watch for OCD and ADD, as those tend to be issues that typically arise in children with tics. He shared some great information with me about how common it is for boys to have tics and that for a lot of them it goes away on it's own and never needs medical intervention. I'm so thankful to be able to move forward on this.

Hewitt: Well, he continues to have some seizures. They are almost always absence seizures but I do notice them and this does concern me. I still thinking I am seeing an occasional myoclonic seizure in his hands as well. We have a 24-48 hour EEG scheduled for him in June. The dilemma we are facing now is that he is as high as he can go on the medicine he takes for absence seizures. He doesn't tolerate it at a higher dose. So, if he is having as many seizures as I think he is, we will need a new plan. Right now, we are talking about a diet change for him that would include higher fats, low carb, no sugar. This would be a hard change for him, but I think we could do it and we might just do it for everyone if we do. I don't know, we'll see. We might end up being in the hospital for 48 hours this time. We are hoping to catch these episodes he has at night, so they might keep us in 2 nights instead of one. We won't know until we are there though.

Hewitt came and visited Titus on the second day in the hospital and I caught this great pic of the two of them. I love it so much. We had just ordered Titus' lunch and Hewitt and Titus were exchanging stories about hospital food as I took this pic. It was pretty sweet!

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May Newsletter Article

Here we are, at the end of the year, and I had great intentions of writing you an inspirational end of the year article. As I sit here staring at this screen, all I can think about is my friend, Kari Bennett, who was sent home this week from the hospital with hospice to live out her last days at home. She goes home to loving parents who have stepped up to help with the needs that come with fighting cancer. She goes home to a devoted loving husband. She goes home to her 3 kids. All I can see when I close my eyes is here rosy cheeks and her beautiful red hair. I can hear her laugh…a laugh that carries across the room, the kind that makes you want to join her conversation. She was so full of joy.
So, I sit here, not ready to see a lesson in all of this yet, I have barely begun to grieve. But, I can’t help but wonder what God has been wanting to teach me these last few years. I can’t help but feel like He is trying to get my attention. These last few years have been stricken with loss and after living most of my life without much experience with death I feel like I’ve been plunged straight into the fire of it all. I look at this situation, knowing that God is just. That His version of love is one that I will never comprehend. That my finite mind will never be able to grasp that this is His perfect way of loving Kari and her family. This is where faith kicks in right? It’s been a lesson He’s been teaching me a lot lately. He’s teaching me to hold things loosely. He’s teaching me to be prepared. He’s showing me that in His perfect plan, He will make things right. That He will be glorified through all of the pain. That His glory is what’s best for all of us. I can’t lie – sometimes I don’t understand and a lot of times my view is clouded by my American upbringing that tells me I have a right to life and prosperity. When really, life and prosperity has long been incorrectly defined by our culture. And, although I’ve learned it hard, and lately I’ve learned it often, that I have to lay things on the altar and let Him decide what to do with it. If given the choice, I never would’ve put Hewitt on that altar when he got sick. But, as long as I clung to Hewitt, the longer I lacked peace, the longer I was in pain, the longer I felt angry. As soon as I hiked that mountain and laid him on that altar, God released me from many of those feelings. Of course it still hurt to watch my child suffer…He didn’t turn me into a robot. But, I was at peace in my soul again. I wouldn’t have chosen to say goodbye to my Grandpa, to watch him die in a depressing nursing home…not knowing where his soul would reside. I sure hope I see him in heaven, but I sincerely don’t know. I wouldn’t have chosen to sit by and watch my friend Troy’s kids learn that he suddenly died of a heart attack on his run at lunch that day. I wouldn’t have ever wanted that to happen. My heart aches as I watch my baby hit his milestones with ease as several friends suffer through infant loss, and special needs children that they never even saw coming. I never would’ve chosen for my sweet husband to have to find his own mother dead on the floor. I ache for him, for the hole it leaves, for the trauma of that experience, for him living the rest of his years motherless. The fact is, we don’t choose these things. We never know what tomorrow brings.
I’m learning that I need to be prepared. So, how do I prepare for pain? I have to know why I believe in God. I must know the character of God. I have to trust that in all of the turmoil of life, God never changes. He is always the same and all of his promises ring true, despite what our circumstances look like day to day. I think one of the most impactful and encouraging things that God has used through a lot of these hard times is scripture I’ve memorized and songs that uplift my soul and point me back to Him. When I am strung out on grief, shaking my fists at Him, living in despair, when hope is out of sight, and I can’t even muster the energy to read; the simple truths of who God is the thing that pulls me out of the darkness. Here are some of those truths that I cling to:
God’s independence or self-existence. He’s not dependent on anything outside Himself. He is life in himself. (John 5:26)
God gives life and breath to everything. (Acts 17:25)
God’s immutability expresses his changelessness. He remains forever the same true God. (Hebrews 13:8)
God’s eternal. He is timeless and everlasting. He has no beginning or end; He does not undergo growth, development, or maturation. (Deuteronomy 33:27, 1 Timothy 1:17, Revelation 22:13, Isaiah 57:15, Psalm 102:27)
God is omnipresent. God fills heaven and earth. (Jeremiah 23:23.24, Psalm 139)
God is omniscience. God knows everything. (1 John 3:20, Psalm 139:4, Psalm 94:11)
God is good. (Psalm 145:9, Mark 10:18, Luke 18:19, Jeremiah 33:11, Matthew 5:45, Luke 6:27-36)
God is love. (John 3:35, 17:24, Exodus 34:6,7, John 3:16)
God is holy. (Acts 3:14, Hebrews 7:26, Psalms 78:41, 89:18, 99:3,9; 11:9, Isaiah 12:6, Jeremiah 51:5)
God is omnipotent. He is without bounds or limit in ability. (Revelation 4:8, Hebrews 1:3, Genesis 18:14, Jeremiah 32:27, Matthew 19:26, Luke 1:37, Hebrews 6:18, 2 Timothy 2:13)
God is sovereign. He is king over all creation and He rules the destiny of human beings and nations. (Matthew 28:18, Ephesians 1:11, 1 Timothy 6:15)
My hope comes from the promises of God. It comes from the truth of His Word. It lives because of the gift of His Son. He tells me “For I know the plans that I have for you, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11
I know over the next few weeks and months to come, I will need to cling to these truths. What I seem to be learning so slowly is that I need to cling to them and proclaim when I’m up on the mountain top, not just down in the valley. Kari lived with this confident and infectious joy. She lived with beautiful devotion to Christ and to her family. She loved her kids and the unique ways God gifted them and believed in them fiercely. I am inspired by her life and by her dedication. She unashamedly claimed Christ as her first love. I’m thankful to have been able to call her friend. I look forward to seeing her beautiful face again in heaven.

Hope

Hope Ellen Anderson June 17, 1952- March 19, 2013

If you haven't already heard, March 19th, my mother in law, Hope Anderson, suddenly passed away in her home. Hope had many medical issues, the most glaring was a blood clot that ran the length of one of her legs. She didn't get much relief from this clot and it caused her a lot of pain and a lot of frustration. They believe that clot was most likely the cause of her death. That part of it broke off and went to one of her lungs. We will never know for sure what happened, but we do know she is no longer suffering.

The last two weeks have held a mix of emotions. As some of you might know, my mother in law and I did more toe-to-toe than we did eye-to-eye. Losing her so quickly made the reality of our relationship cut sharp. Although the things we disagreed on were things that I felt were necessary for protection of my own family, it doesn't change the fact that our relationship wasn't the best and that is just hard for me to swallow some days. Death, although simple and permanent, leaves a wake of complicated emotions and grief. Not being able to say goodbye might be one of the hardest things. Not being able to reassure her that despite the years of toe-to-toe I still saw her heart-to-heart. I still longed to see her whole, to see her well, to see her happy again. My heart broke to see her in pain, to see her let go...that all of my disagreement was with the hope that it would shine light to where she was hurting and that light would bring her some relief from her pain. I don't think she was ever able to see it that way while living and it hurts to think she thought I just didn't love her. I know that it doesn't matter now. She is free of pain, free of suffering and for that, I am so thankful. I am relieved for her to be able to leave her broken body behind. I hope as the years pass the hurtful parts of our relationship will fade and these memories will be what shines:

I will remember these things about Hope.

She adored her boys and loved them furiously. She protected them from harm and clung to them for love and hope. She came from a hard upbringing and fought her way out. I wish I could have seen this young Hope - the fighter, the lover, the one who lived full of life and joy.

This woman, she loved Jesus. She adored Jesus. She didn't do Christianity perfectly, but who does? Who ever could? She talked about Jesus, she dreamed of joining Jesus in heaven and she shared that dream with all who would listen. She looked upon this world as a temporary dwelling and in her departure I would like to think she was glad to say goodbye. Excited to run into the arms of her Savior. The only peaceful, perfect protection her heart has ever really known. Goodbye to the pain, goodbye to the heartbreak of lovers lost, goodbye to a broken body that let her down, goodbye to a world full of hate and sin and all that is anti-Jesus. She longed for beauty and redemption.

Nanny, her grandchildren called her. Nanny, was their grandmother that brought them little gifts. Nanny, was their grandmother that loved her little dog. Nanny, loved things that were pretty. She loved flowers and color and all God's living creatures. She found pretties and surrounded herself with them. A gesture of worship to the one who created all of the beautiful things, I think.

This woman, she prayed. She prayed for all things she knew that were hurting. She lifted her family, her friends, her hurts, her struggle, her lost love, strangers as friends, she lifted them all the same...she lifted them to the One she believed could heal and trusted He knew what to do with it all. Her faith was like that of a child.

She was beautiful, she loved, she was full of faith and worship and these are the things I will remember.





All of the family together. She would have LOVED this.

Hewitt & Titus

We had to reschedule the boys' appointments for the 15th & 16th. I will update after that. Titus continues to have the movement and I'm anxious to get hear what our neurologist thinks.

April Newsletter

I could fill this whole newsletter with the things God has been teaching me about parenting lately. Parenting is a hard, humbling, keep you on your toes adventure. I am continually challenged to lay down my own desires, wants, and ideas about how things should be done in order to be a parent. I think parenting is a beautiful amalgamation of love, frustration, joy, heartbreak, anger, disbelief and adoration. There are few relationships in life where we can be peed and pooped on, puked on, hit, pushed, kicked, yelled at, ignored, screamed at and any other thing that toddlers do and come out hugging on the other side. Children bring the best and the worst out of us and have challenged me in ways I never would have imagined. There is no doubt about it – it’s hard work.
The act of parenting is only one element of challenges, the figuring it all out is another. These days we have information coming at us from every direction telling us what is right or wrong. The information tells us what is right, wrong and how we will scar kids emotionally if we mess up. We have parenting books coming out of our ears, both affirming or dispelling what we read on blogs, on parenting websites and most of all what we have seen in our own homes. It is more than confusing. Sometimes, it is just defeating to figure out where to even start. I am a researcher. I love to read about new things and figure out how things work, why things happen and what I can do to fix whatever is broken. In parenting this is sometimes a detriment. Regardless of how many books are out there, none of them are written by me, about my family and our unique make up, background and current influences and all of the struggles and unique roads we have walked that have shaped us. How do we even begin to know which parenting books are right for us? Last summer, when I was feeling like an especially huge parenting failure, God gave me some comfort. He released me from the words of these people I didn’t know. Because, as the words echoed through my mind from some of these parenting books that I had read, He reminded me that those words are someone else’s story. Those were someone else’s experiences and children and I had to stop listening to and reading their experiences and engage and figure out my own. Don’t get me wrong, there is a time to seek help and some parenting books have great advice. But, that is all it is…advice. They aren’t manuals, even though some claim to be. The fact is that the people I know that are the best parents aren’t all following the same fad formula on parenting. They are parents who have made a lot of mistakes, have sought to know who their children are and keep moving forward after they fail. We will all fail, there is no question about it. We can’t let that be what defines our parenting style.
Personally, my parenting style has evolved tremendously over the last 10 years. There are a lot less hills to die on now than there were even 7 years ago. I am hugging my children more and disciplining them less. When I was struggling last summer it was because I was getting caught up in the failure. I was trying to fit into someone else’s box. I know for sure from the Bible that God wants me to do a few things with my kids. One, He wants me to love them like He loves me. Two, He wants me to train them up in the way they should go. (“Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6) Three, He wants me to teach them about Him. Four, He doesn’t want me to hinder their way to Jesus. (But Jesus called them to him, saying “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.” Luke 15:16-17)

Hewitt and Titus Update

It was recently brought to my attention that I hadn't updated about Hewitt since originally asking for prayer for him!  I'm sorry about that.  We all picked up the virus/bacteria, whatever it was he was dealing with and we were sick for the next couple weeks after.  Thankfully, we are now back to "normal" health.

As far as Hewitt goes - it is hard for me to answer how he is doing.  Sometimes I just hate the question.  There are so many variables that go into it that I feel really frustrated trying to determine what is really going on.  He is able to take his medicine without anxiety again.  That is a huge blessing to us.  And, although he still deals with some anxiety, it isn't as intense as it was that week.  Praise Jesus!  We are still dealing with a high range of emotions with him and I don't always know how to help him with those emotions and that can be frustrating.  We are still on the lower dose of medicine, he is still having noticeable absence seizures and we have an appointment scheduled on the 28th of this month to figure out what our next step will be.

We also will be taking Titus in to Hewitt's neurologist on the 27th for a Video EEG.  He started having some involuntary movements last week.  They came on fairly suddenly and with quite the intensity.  I am trying to remain calm about it but I don't always succeed in that.  I have some days where I freak out and cry about it and some where I am able to just abide in knowing that God knows what is going on and I can trust that. The hardest part right now is just waiting for answers.  I really want to say that I don't think they're seizures but I don't feel like I can rule it out yet.  They look like tics, and while that would definitely be preferred over seizures, it still makes my mama heart sad.  If they keep going on like they do, my sweet boy will likely be a target for teasing and THAT is really hard for me to swallow. Titus is one of the most joyful and fun kids I have ever known.  I hate the idea of someone ever taking that from him.  I know I can't protect him forever, whether he has a tic disorder or not, but that doesn't mean I don't want to!

We would definitely appreciate prayers for the VEEG - we will be there for about 24 hours and Titus is not one to sit still.  This medical stuff is all new to him so I hope it doesn't scare him.  Also, for wisdom in knowing what our next step for Hewitt should be.  Thanks!

MOPS March Article

I had the privilege last week to hang out with a missionary couple that served over 25 years of ministry in Australia.  I’ve met them a few times and always leave encouraged by their humor, authenticity and desire to seek God and share His truth with others.  They are different than a lot of people in their generation.  I feel like they have an understanding of our generation that most don’t.  They moved back to the states a few years ago and they’re trying to learn how American culture has changed in their absence.  When I asked him what his conclusion was thus far, I was surprised at his answer.  He said “Americans are a bunch of liars.  They’ve lost the ability to be honest and lack integrity.”  I sat staring at him for a minute because I felt like that was a pretty huge statement.  After some prompting from me (sitting wide eyed and mouth gaping) he qualified his statement and didn’t excuse the church from this either.  He is a really fun man, with a great sense of humor, authenticity and full of grace.   So, if you’re picturing a grumpy uptight missionary, that’s not at all who he is.  We had a great discussion about how this has affected the church and some of the ways it has disconnected church from our culture.  Ultimately though, the conversation left me evaluating my own heart.  Am I a liar?  One of our boys really struggles with lying and it is a big deal in our house right now as we work through that with him.  But, I have asked myself many times and evaluated my heart in this.  Am I a liar?  The answer I received was, YES!  Ugh, that really wasn’t the answer I was looking for.  I would consider myself a very honest person, I hate cheating, I’m a rule follower and I have a very strong sense of justice.  I didn’t have to go far to find it.  The night before Hayden and I left town last week we got into a pretty heavy argument.  I had been holding in a lot of hurt and anger towards him and because of that, my heart had hardened against him.  Instead of telling him the truth for months of hurt I’ve been holding on to it and lying to him about being okay.  I’ve been lying to a lot of people about it.  And while I wouldn’t have talked to every person that asked me how I was doing about my marriage, I gladly put on a happy face for people (some even close to me).  See, I have always seen my relationship with Hayden as something really special – like we have something that not everyone has.  I don’t mean that in a mean or comparative way, but I see it as something to be really thankful for.  Last week, when the shtuff hit the fan, my lies had me to the place of believing that even that part of our relationship wasn’t real, that it had all been fake. (Insert eye roll for my drama.  Yes, 12 years of amazingness has been fake?  How do I buy into this nonsense?)  My lies beget more lies.  Aack.  I’m a grown woman, a mature Christian and I didn’t even see what I had been doing as lying.  So, how did I get there?  First, I let myself be controlled by fear.  I have a fear of being a nag.  I hate the stereotypical view of wives nagging their husbands, giving them to-do lists and controlling them.  I have fought that our whole marriage.  But, because of that fear, I often withhold truth from my husband instead of trusting him to handle it when it’s appropriate.  What does God say about that?  Proverbs 29:25 “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.”  Second, I believed lies.  Who’s the father of lies?  John 8:44b says “He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him.  When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”  Yikes.  I feel pretty foolish at this point but I will keep going.  Third and last point, I didn’t trust.  This has been a struggle for me my whole marriage.  I have had to give it over thousands of times to God.  Not because my husband isn’t trustworthy, the contrary actually, he is the most loyal person I know.  So, why do I struggle to trust the most loyal man I know?  Because of the first point up there…fear.  I have an irrational fear of being left, of being cheated on, of being hurt and humiliated.  I withhold love sometimes because of it.  I have a sad track record of severing ties with people that move away because it’s easier to sever it than feel the pain of their absence.  I know it’s ugly and selfish, but I’m trying to do better.  In my marriage, I now have a mantra that I tell myself when I find myself withholding love.  Because I love Hayden; I will trust him, I won’t read his texts and emails and Facebook looking for something, I won’t question him every time he leaves the house.  I will be willing to be made a fool for loving him because I will not live my life in fear but will do my best to live 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a with him.  “Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.”  So, this month, I learned that I’m a liar.  How about you ladies?  I would love to hear what you’re learning.

February MOPS article

Happy February ladies!  I’m looking forward to hanging out with you all on the 12^th and having an interesting, and hopefully not awkward, conversation about intimacy in marriage!  I have only been married for 12 short years so I wouldn’t consider myself an authority on the subject of marriage – but I am well practiced in effort…does that count for something?  I do feel incredibly blessed to have a healthy marriage and a husband that adores me even when I am awful.  (which happens more often than I would like to admit)  Here’s some of the inspiration that has been handed down to me or things that we’ve tried in our relationship to keep the intensity there! 

5 ways we keep the fire going!

1.       FLIRT.  Do you remember how to flirt with your husband?  Almost all of us can think back to early in our relationship when we were getting to know our spouses and what kind of flirting happened to create chemistry.  Sometimes when things are feeling blah between us, I think back over the last couple of weeks and realize that we have been so busy we have not taken the time to practice the simple act of flirting.  Forgot what that looks like?  (Have mercy on me ladies, I’m putting myself out here because I love you all) A few examples that can get some flirting started:  

-verbal teasing and keep it nice, not snarky

-a little grabbing of the rear end followed by a certain “look”

- pin him on the couch and kiss him like you mean it and get up and walk away

- be intentional with your body, there are many ways to walk or brush by your                 man and let him know you’re thinking about him.

2.       SPEND TIME TOGETHER.  This one is obvious, right?  Even so, I am surprised every time I hear a friend say they don’t date their spouse.  I know a lot of us have busy schedules or tight budgets, but we can always find ways to spend intentional time together.  When we were first married, we played A LOT of board and card games together.  Over the years, some of the things we’ve done after the kids have gone to bed: games, hobbies (we’ve  sat at the dining room table and I’ve sewed while he’s made duct tape wallets), tackle a big project without the kids at your feet – you might actually have fun and sneak some flirting in there.  Michelle is the queen of stay at home date nights; hit her up for some creative ideas.  Hayden and I were in the habit of sitting on the couch next to one another watching a show and it was fine for a while but after a week or so we realized we don’t connect at all when we do that.  We are trying to be better about spending some time face to face or across the table doing something together. 

3.       SPEND TIME APART.  This stay at home, homeschooling mom often needs an hour, 2, or 48 away from my family to refuel and recharge in a way that makes me a better wife, mom and friend.  I will be honest – it is hard to get more than a few hours away at this stage of life, even with a supportive husband on board.  I am the one in our relationship that needs alone time to recharge.  When I do get away I make sure and show my appreciation to my hubby when I get home verbally, physically and emotionally.  I also often bring him a gift so he knows I was thinking about him.  There have also been times when  I have sent my husband out for some time of his own.  Whether it is a movie with a friend or some cash to go blow at the store, he does not always think he needs it but when he gets back he’s always thankful he took it!

4.       COMMIT YOURSELF TO BEING INTIMATE.  Intimacy includes many areas, but I am referring specifically to sex.  Ladies, our culture does not do us any favors in this area.  TV, movies and media all fuel our excuses and our entitlement to make this area about ourselves instead of about our relationship.  The truth is, maintaining a healthy sex life takes sacrifice from both the wife and husband.  We get to choose how we approach this topic.  I made a decision when our oldest was little (almost 11 years ago) to fight to keep this part of our marriage alive and exciting.  I committed to not letting a certain number of days go by without participating or initiating.  Obviously, there are always exceptions to this, and everyone’s number could be different.  I will not lie.  It has been hard.  It has been a sacrifice on my end many many times.  However, it is a sacrifice that I’ve never once regretted making.  Not once.  I have not done it perfectly, I have failed many times, but I think just having the commitment has helped me maintain over the years.  Part of this commitment is not just physical; it is committing to communicate openly about it.  I will be the first to admit that we have had some awkward conversations on this topic, but we have also had several funny ones too.  If you are not enjoying this element of intimacy I would strongly encourage you to do some reading on the topic.  I also realize that some people have issues in their married sex life that will not be fixed as simply as this – in no way do I mean to minimize that.  I’ve had my share fair of friends that have legitimate issues that this advice would do nothing to help.  My intent is to spark some ideas not to bring guilt or frustration!!

5.        REMINISCE ABOUT YOUR EARLY RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER – We used to do this a lot.  There is something gratifying about walking down memory lane.  Unless of course memory lane is full of sad memories, than this might not be a great exercise for you.  We just cleaned a closet out together the other night and went through a huge pile of pictures.  It was fun to see pictures of us together in our early 20’s and even a few as teenagers.  His memory is so much better than mine is, so it is fun to hear things from his perspective.  Sometimes our stories on things are completely different too.  That always makes me laugh that we could process the same situation so differently.  If you’re having a hard time with your spouse right now, it might be good to think back to what attracted you to him in the first place!  We laugh at ourselves, seeing how much we have grown over the years and how awful our clothes and hair used to be is pretty entertaining!

  

Hewitt update

Since I've asked several people to be praying for Hewitt, I figured it would be a good time to do an update on here about what's going on.

We did a medicine increase a month ago and it is one that we have slowly been increasing him on over the last several months.  Every time we do an increase on this specific medicine we see a lot of side effects for a couple weeks.  They include erratic behavior, exaggerated emotions, anxiety and hallucinations at night.  That's normal stuff for him - when it's temporary.  Last week I noticed that he hasn't quite hit baseline yet.  He's still having hallucinations at night, his emotions are still all over the place and his anxiety has hit an all time high.  This week his anxiety was so high that he can't take his medicine without making it into a huge ordeal.  One of his meds gives him a stomach ache and he's gotten so anxious about it that he's made himself throw up just anticipating that he's about to take them.  This morning he refused to eat breakfast (which was a cinnamon roll for goodness sake) because he knew if he did there would be enough food in his stomach to take his medicine and didn't want to do that.  The problem is that if I give it on an empty stomach, he'll throw up anyway, with or without anxiety.  So we are in this place where we're trying to keep him distracted from thinking about it but he's giving himself a stomach ache every time it comes to mind.  So, that's the first issue.  Meds and stomach pain and making himself throw up.  The second issue is that his night hallucinations changed this week.  They have become these weird anxiety attacks where he can't articulate what's wrong he is just in a panic and can't get more than a few words out at a time.  The things we say don't make sense to him and it's just overall weird and it doesn't feel right to me.  I'm wondering if he's having complex partial seizures - I don't want to get ahead of myself, but it's such strange behavior.  The third thing is that he's also just been kind of odd in general.  Lincoln called it "delirious."  His eyes are kind of half open all the time and he's complained about his throat hurting but doesn't have strep or any other cold symptoms.  It's overall just really bothering me.  If it is a virus, it's the first one that's come into our 1400 sq foot house where 8 people live and spend almost all day together homeschooling where no one else has gotten sick.  That doesn't sit right with this mama.  We've also seen some very noticeable absence seizures throughout the day - ones that were much less noticeable before.  Right now he's outside playing with his brothers but I guarantee you that he will come in and be EXHAUSTED and even possibly fall asleep on the couch when he's done.  Not normal Hewitt behavior.

I called his neurologist and talked with a nurse and the info relayed back to me was to reduce his medication by a little bit for a couple weeks and see if things improve.  I'm not super comfortable with that (although we are doing the reduction) so I took in him to the pediatrician yesterday to see if he would do blood work and possibly order an EEG.  He did a strep test to rule it out and wanted to wait for the fever to subside before he ordered anything else.  We go back in Monday.  As of today, he still has a 99.4 fever though.  I really hope that I'm wrong and that there isn't an increase of seizures or a potential blood issue or toxicity from his meds....that would all mean some scary changes for how we're treating his seizures currently and I really don't want to walk down that road we were on before.  The thought of having to take him off of the med that is causing these other problems is actually terrifying to me.  This med was our miracle.  I also plan to call his neuro again if the Dr. thinks it's necessary to order more tests.  Best case scenario is that he has some odd virus that is giving him a fever and it exaggerating the side effects of his meds.

That's where we're at.  Hoping it's nothing serious, but mostly just want some answers.  I'm trying not to get ahead of myself but I want to be his advocate and his voice and I have to do some reading and inform myself if I'm going to do that appropriately.  I've been educating myself on some of the more serious negative side effects of his med so that when I go in on Monday I can be armed with some information! I know that God already knows what's going on and there's great comfort in that.  Now I just need to relax and trust that He is in control and that is what is best for all of us!!!!

MOPS January article

I don’t know about you ladies, but I rarely watch the news.  I have a hard time making space in my head for all the pain of the rest of the world, when so many people I actually know are hurting.  This past year I have contemplated giving up Facebook multiple times,  because my heart is so often burdened by the many stories of people I know, past and present, dealing with difficult issues.  Sometimes, I just want to be free of their pain and live my life oblivious to it all.  I know how incredibly selfish that sounds, trust me.  The truth is I often feel overwhelmed by it all because I want to do something to help them and I can’t.  I cannot take my friend, who lives in Arizona, with the special needs baby and a newborn, a meal or do her laundry.  There has been a lot of “I cannot” in times when there needs to be more “I wills.”  And  that makes me feel like a failure, so I would prefer to avoid it.

A few years ago, we had the opportunity to take some students on a service trip to San Francisco.  While there, the group dispersed across the city working in various organizations that helped homeless and hungry people.  It was eye opening on many levels.  San Francisco has done a fantastic job of creating programs that practically meet the needs of their homeless community, and they are executing those programs brilliantly.  It was amazing to see how this city is reaching the majority of the homeless in their community and they even have a plan of ending homelessness in their community altogether.  How great is that?  They are a great example of people putting “I will” into practice instead of “I cannot.”  .  While there, we listened to a song by Jars of Clay.  The song is “Oh my God” and I included part of the lyrics below. (Just to clarify the “Oh my God” is a cry out to God, not an expletive.)  This song moves my soul and if you can, I would highly recommend finding it and listening to it.

Sometimes I cannot forgive
and these days mercy cuts so deep,
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep.
While I lay, I'd dream we're better, scales were gone and faces lighter,
When we wake we hate our brother, we still move to hurt each other,
Sometimes I can close my eyes and all the fear that keeps me silent,
Falls below my heavy breathing, what makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder, we all have the need for wonder.
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the plunder.

Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven,
All the times I thought to reach up, all the times I had to give up.
Babies underneath their beds, in hospitals that cannot treat them.
All the wounds that money causes, all the comforts of cathedrals,
All the cries of thirsty children, this is our inheritance,
All the rage of watching mothers, this is our greatest offense
Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God.

(lyrics from www.jarsofclay.com)

This month my friend, Amber Bruce, is coming to share with our group about human trafficking.  Human trafficking is one of those issues that sends my brain into hiding.  I wish I could pretend it doesn’t exist.  I want to believe that people of this modern, advanced, educated world are not barbaric enough to repeat the atrocities of history.  Reality proves me wrong.  This is an issue, like homelessness, like orphans, like so many pains of this world that cannot be ignored.  It is real, it is happening and we don’t have time to wait for it to become personal to us to do something about it.  I realize this is a heavy topic for a mom’s group.  I also believe God has designed us moms to have great influence on our homes and communities to bring change where people are hurting.  I believe that our group is full of moms that want to say “I will” instead of “I cannot.”  

In the Paper

We received a call the week before Christmas from our local paper, the Tri-City Herald that they heard what the boys were doing with the homeless bags and wanted to come interview them about it.  We agreed and they came to our house on Christmas Eve.  The reporter was really sweet and spent a lot of time listening to the boys and asking lots of questions.  She did a great job of drawing them out, and getting to the root of why they were doing it.  The article was very sweetly written and I appreciated that!  Here's the pic they took and put on the front of the local page on Christmas day!  They definitely felt special when Nana and Papa brought 4 copies of the paper when they showed up to celebrate Christmas with us!  Here's a link to the article.  This week, the boys also received a thank you note from the local Kiwanis signed by many of the members, commending them for their work!  That was pretty special too! 

Irrelevant and rambling side note: This whole aspect of this thing has been a struggle for me....I really want them to feel that we are proud of them and that they are making good decisions that positively influence other peoples lives...but I also want them to remain humble in the process and have pure motives.  I was also raised to give anonymously and not for everyone to see, so it felt uncomfortable to receive so much feedback on it!  That being said, when you're trying to help a larger scale of people and recruit others to help you do it, you have to put yourself out there.  We did not have the means to do all of that ourselves.  Half of the learning lesson for the boys was just being able to see how much people can give when asked.  I was really blessed by their sincere awe at that.  I forget sometimes that they aren't jaded and cynical like I am! :)  They still think the best of people, and that will only last for so long.  I look forward to seeing how God will work through them and pray that He is continually glorified in the process.  

Bag Assembly

Today was the day to assemble the bags!  Thank you so much to so many of you that donated to help this cause!  I want you to know that when you did, you did more than just help a homeless person.  This was a great learning experience for ALL of us.

First of all, logistically, a month is not a lot of time to assemble the items we had hoped to receive and given the time frame we had I think we did pretty well.  We were able to assemble 100 bags with a variety of things.  Things that are both useful and a treat. We will definitely be partnering up with the Holland family this next year to get a head start on collecting items!  We are all excited at the prospect of starting in January and featuring an item every month so we are more prepared come December 2013!

Going into this, I was really concerned about the boys losing focus on why they were doing it and getting caught up in a lot of the praise they might receive.  And, of course, so many people have been very encouraging to them, and that's great.  It would be hard for a mature person not to get caught up in the praise.  (And, to be clear, we are very proud of them and have been encouraging them for following through on their idea and helping others). But, in the middle of all of it we had a teaching opportunity with one of the boys to remind him that we aren't doing it so people will recognize us.  We do it because God has burdened our hearts for it.  We do it because people are hurting and the more important thing is spreading some love to them whether we are praised for it or not.  Ultimately I hope the praise and glory will be given to God.  We prayed over those bags as we filled them - for the individual people that would have them in their hands tomorrow.  My prayer tonight is that (if they haven't already) they will find the same hope for this life that we have.  That they will feel the unconditional love, acceptance and grace that can only come from knowing Jesus Christ.  Jesus Christ has changed my life.  It's that simple.  I am so grateful for all He has done for me and I feel so incredibly blessed this Christmas in the ways He has shown Himself to me and the MANY blessings He has showered on me and my family.

So, with that.  Here's some pics from today:

Tomorrow morning a reporter from the Tri-City Herald is coming over to interview the boys.  I have no idea what will come of it, but would love your prayers that it is a positive experience for them and hopefully an opportunity to share what Christmas means to us!   

THANKS FRIENDS!!!

Donations for Homeless People

{Our 2 oldest boys}

******12/19 update - If anyone is interested in helping assemble the bags on the 23rd or distribute them with us on the 24th please let me know!!

Thank you for your continued support and donations!  It's been really fun to be a part of and there are more lessons being learned in this fun adventure than I had anticipated!
Hello friends!  A couple weeks ago I had the opportunity to have a date with my son Everett.  On our date we were talking about his future and things he would like to do as an adult.  One of those things was to help homeless people.  Our family has long been passionate about helping those without homes and had ample opportunities to do so in some of the other communities we've lived in.  Since moving to the Tri-cities 2.5 years ago we have had a hard time really finding our groove again.  Recently our pastor's daughter shared her passion for adoption at church (thanks Jenise!!) and my heart was challenged to help my kids live out the burdens God has laid on their hearts.  God has given our kids a burden for those who are hungry and in need of physical help.  I was encouraged to help them fufill this calling on their own hearts!  I'm excited to see how God is going to use them this way - to His glory!  Everett and I sat and he wrote out a plan of action on what he can do now, at 9, to help the homeless people in our community.  His goal was clear - he wanted to give them a Christmas gift.  Something useful but also some things that are fun.  When we got home he shared his idea with his older brother Lincoln (10).  They quickly went to work on creating a flier.  Tonight they will share their vision and burden with the youth group at our church and hopefully other people will answer the call with them! We invite you to answer this call.  Help them see that God can use 9 & 10 year olds to love on His people! 

We will take donations all the way up to December 22nd and assemble the bags on the 23rd.  Our hope is to distribute them on Christmas Eve as a family!

Here is part of what their flier looks like.  I helped a tiny bit - but the rest of it is all theirs!

Our goal is to create 100 bags to hand out to homeless
people on Christmas Eve - We will update as we receive items





62/105 - Standard size gift bags
38/100  received Hats100 Gloves160/200 received Hand warmers120/200 received Foot warmers
20/100 prs. of socks (new)
4/100  received- $5 gift cards to McDonald's or other fast food restaurant0/100 - Coffee cards ($5 quantities)86/100 received  - Toothbrushes72/100 received -  Toothpaste 0/100 - Bus pass (10 ticket pass costs $12) Can be bought at Three Rivers Transit Center7109 W. Okanogan Place Kennewick Hours: M-F 8-572/100 -received - Cookies (pre packaged please)100/100 - Mini Bible or New Testament
100/100 - Gum300/300 hard candy
100/100 - Water bottles (disposable)25/100 - Note pad and 50/100 pen

Share the love of Jesus & make someone smile this Christmas.

Donations can be dropped off at First Baptist Church of Ricland 1107 Wright AVE Richland with Hayden LeRoy (he's the youth pastor)

M-TH 9-5 we will also come pick donations up if you can't get to the church!  Just send us an email or call!

Contact us:
theleroyboys@gmail.com

509.713.6334

509.392.3603

 

MOPS December Article

At Christmas time, especially as a mother and one that has been pregnant a few times through the holidays, my mind often drifts to Mary, the mother of Jesus. My first thoughts swirl around the logistics of  being pregnant back in those days without all the modern comforts we have now.  Um, no thanks.  I’m sorry Bible, did you say she had a baby in a barn and there were animals close by?  Again, no thanks.  Admittedly, I am a bit of a germaphobe and I seriously love a good pump of antibacterial hanging on the wall of the delivery room.  Second, I cannot imagine the range of emotions she might have felt as a young woman: unwed, pregnant and at risk of invoking shame and rejection from those that knew her and knew that she was with child.  Try to imagine: being betrothed, a virgin, finding out you’re pregnant, having an angel visit you and tell you that you are carrying God’s Son?  I think I would seriously question my sanity.  However, that is not how Mary responded.  At all.  In fact, she praised God.  She said, “My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior for He has been mindful of the humble state of His servant.”  {Luke 1:46-48}  Many of those around her might have rejected Mary, but God not only accepted her, He created her for this purpose and He sought her out.  She might have wanted to run away, but I think Mary knew the power of God.  I like to think she had been taught about this God the psalmist sang of “Where can I go from your Spirit?  Where can I flee from your presence?  If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.  If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me; Your right hand will hold me fast.  If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.  “{Psalms 139:9-10} Mary knew the power of her God and so she accepted this wild thing He had bestowed upon her and she praised Him for it.  As we journey through these next few weeks before Christmas, I would like to challenge you to slow down and think about what purpose God has created you.  Mary had a clear calling on her life.  God has a calling on yours.  Start a conversation with God about this.  I started asking Him this question 8 years ago and He is still opening my eyes to the different ways He has equipped me.   As it turns out, many of the things I have seen as flaws in my personality, flaws in my body, flaws in the direction I chose are the very things He wants to use.  He is slowly revealing to me the beauty and complexity in which He created me.  He has a purpose for my flaws and He has a purpose for my strengths.  He has equipped me perfectly for His purpose.  He has also given me the freedom to choose whether or not I will respond like Mary and praise Him for “being mindful of the humble state of His servant.”  I can accept or reject Him and the beautiful gift He gave for me.  I am so thankful Mary chose to worship and to accept her purpose.  I am so thankful she bore Jesus God’s Son, despite some hard circumstances, and lived to tell about it.   

Just This

Some encouraging words for my friends that are walking hard roads right now.  I received this in a card from a friend last year.  She combined the NLT, amplified and message for it to read like this. I love the message, it encourages my soul!

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of sympathy, (pity and mercy) and the God who is the source of every comfort, consolation, and encouragement.  God of all healing counsel!  He comforts us in all our troubles...comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person - we will be able to give them the same comfort, consolation and encouragement that God has given us.  We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah - the more we suffer for Christ the more God will shower us with His comfort.  Our hard times are no more so than the good times of His healing comfort - we get a full measure of that too!"  2 Corinthians 1:3-5

We were given a generous amount of apples from a local orchard this week and while we will be able to store a lot of them to eat through the winter, there are a whole lot that I need to process now.  I have been looking for recipes online and these are the following I'm going to give a try this week.

From Brown Eyed Baker I thought this apple crisp looked pretty fun!  I love baking things in my skillet!

I'm excited to make a few things in my crock pot and this applesauce recipe from how does she? looks pretty painless.  My older boys could probably even do it.

Like this blogger, apple butter reminds me of my Grandma. I haven't had apple butter to this day that I like as much as hers.  But, she is no longer with us and hasn't been for a long time, so I am going to give this simple crockpot recipe a try.

I don't have all the supplies (specifically this Victorio Food Strainer) for this applesauce canning tutorial but I am pinning it in pinterest for future use.  If you have all the supplies it is a great tutorial on how to can applesauce.  Make It. Do it. did a great job putting it together.  It's very simple and easy to follow and makes me feel like I might be able to can someday!

I tried this Apple Sharlotka recipe out on Friday from Smitten Kitchen.  It is a quick recipe to throw together and although it's a "cake" recipe it's heavy on fruit and has a bit of a custard flavor to it. I loved it!! I will definitely be adding it to my apple baking recipes for future use!

We are also going to use our juicer to make some fresh apple juice.  The boys have been asking me every day since the apples arrived.  So, that's on the list too!

I would love to hear about any of your favorite recipes.

Wish me luck, that's a big list for me!  I'll let you know how it goes.